Looking in the Mirror After Motherhood

Beauty After the Breakdown — What Healing Really Looks Like Postpartum

Brew No. 3: Looking In The Mirror After Motherhood

Not after motherhood ends — because it never does — but after you realize you’re not the same woman who walked in.

Postpartum Reality: What They Don’t Tell You

There’s this unspoken pressure to “bounce back” after having a baby.

To look the same. Feel the same. Be the same.

But that is literally impossible.

I used to think postpartum was just about stretch marks and sleepless nights.

(Which I actually had very little of and seem to be the least of my problems.)

See I thought I’d be a little tired, maybe a bit bloated — but I’d get back to myself quickly.

I had no idea what was coming.

The truth is, postpartum isn’t just about healing from birth.

It’s about healing from an entire identity death.

My body didn’t just “snap back.” Because I can’t.

Literally… I CANNOT GO BACK.

Not to my old body.

Not to my old mind.

No to my old identity.

It sounds brutal — and honestly, it is — but mostly because no one tells you how to survive it. You’re thrown into the deep end, struggling to stay afloat while everyone watches… not to help, but to toss more onto your to-do list.

No One Checks On Moms

Especially not if you’re the “strong” one.

The solo mom.

The CEO.

The one radiating strength, raising a baby alone in a foreign country.

They assume you’re fine because you’re posting on social media.

Because your outfit is cute. Because you’re still standing.

What they don’t see is that you’re holding on by a thread.

Doing everything in your power just to survive the hardest thing you’ve ever lived through — while trying to keep any part of your old life alive so you can provide for your child.

Disconnected From Your Body

And then there’s your body. Not just how it looks — but how it feels.

No one talks about how strange it is to be touched again.

How disconnected you might feel from your own skin — even months later.

No one talks about the moms who had traumatic labors,

who are grieving pregnancy losses,

or who were treated horribly by a partner during pregnancy —

and now feel ashamed for not wanting sex.

And maybe you don’t even want to touch yourself.

Because you don’t recognize the body you’re in.

Because you’re exhausted from carrying the emotional and physical load of parenthood.

Because it’s not about libido — it’s about survival.

The System Is Failing Us

No one sees the woman disappearing inside the miracle.

We live in a system that glorifies pregnancy and then abandons women the moment they give birth.

A system that silences the female experience.

That shames us if we’re not smiling.

That expects full-time caregiving with zero paid leave, zero healing time, zero support.

A system that wants us to love it — while it dresses down our trauma.

And somehow… after all we give…

we’re the ones expected to apologize for falling apart.

I wish our systems supported recovery — not just survival. Because creating life should not come at the cost of our own.

The Rage No One Talks About

And then there’s the rage.

No one warns you about mom rage — how quickly you can go from calm to furious.

Not because you’re broken —

but because you’re carrying everything.

You become the invisible punching bag for society’s failures.

The scapegoat for a broken system.

The woman expected to stay soft…

while holding it all together.

The rage isn’t wrong.

It’s righteous.

It’s grief with nowhere to go.

What I Wish I Knew

My hope for this essay is to give you the keys to the city —

everything I wish I knew before postpartum that would have made overcoming it 100x easier.

My Postpartum Struggles (Unfiltered)

Postpartum puts you in the trenches.

My skin betrayed me.

I used to have this glowy, oily Mediterranean skin (thanks, Italian genes).

Now? Dry. Dull. Hormonal breakouts. Dark circles (and dark patches?).

I felt like I looked older… even haunted.

My jawline vanished.

Suddenly, I had puffiness around my chin. Extra fat. My face felt swollen and unfamiliar.

My body texture changed.

Cellulite I never had before. Spider veins. Loose skin around my stomach and arms.

My hair thinned.

Dry scalp. Shedding. The hair that used to be thick and wild was now brittle, sad, and flat. Gray hairs?

I was exhausted.

Not just “tired.”

Deep, soul-level fatigue.

Like my body was still in shock, recovering from a war I had somehow survived.

These symptoms weren’t just vanity beauty issues.

It was survival. It was my body begging for help.

But I didn’t know where to start.

When You Lose Your Spark

You don’t just lose your glow — you can lose your creativity. Your vitality.

For the first six months, I didn’t have a single clear idea. Nothing made sense.

And when your identity is built on being a creative, a builder, a visionary…

that silence is terrifying.

It makes you wonder if you’ll ever be anything more than a mother again.

Will the spark come back?

Or is this who I am now — exhausted, flattened, emptied, alone?

So I did what I always do — I started asking questions (mostly to moms; they are the most helpful).

I found answers.

And I tried things until they worked.

My Postpartum Reboot Plan

I connected with Clarence, a long time friend & my Parisian wellness guru.

She’s a magician with skin and energy. But she’s also real. And she has sisters and friends who have been in the trenches. No crazy potions or one-size-fits-all advice. Just practical, spiritual and science-backed solutions that actually work.

Here’s everything she taught me — plus a few things I discovered myself!

(P.S. none of the suggested products are sponsored. None of this works back in my favor from an influencer or affiliates perspective. This is what I actually bought and what actually worked. I spent so much money trying different products so maybe with this knowledge you won’t have to!)

Problems & Solutions

Skin: I Lost My Glow

• Problem: Dry, dull, uneven skin + dark circles.

• Clarence’s Solution:

  • Hydration: Aloe vera gel + rose gel under moisturizer (hyaluronic acid, collagen, ceramide, lactic acid).

  • Brightening: Vitamin C serum.

  • Dark Circles: Caffeine eye serum.

My Tip: Lemon water with chia seeds — first thing in the morning. It’s a game-changer for gut health, which means clearer skin.

My Fave Products: Typology Vitamin C Serum, The Ordinary Caffeine Eye Serum, Aloderma Gel (Aloe Vera) , 9-Ingredient Face Moisturizer, StriVectin Hyaluronic Acid

Moon Face: Where Is My Snatched Jaw Line?

• Problem: Inflammation, retaining water, retaining fat, puffy face

• Clarence’s Solution:

  • All mothers deserve lymphatic drainage sessions after birth starting at 3 months postpartum. My recommendation is 1x a week (but if you can go at least 1x a month for the first year of postpartum it will be so helpful).

My Tip: You can transform your face with lymphatic drainage at home too. I do 2x a week/10 min each with my hands & oil (here is an easy how-to video).

Hair & Scalp: Saving What’s Left

• Problem: Dry scalp, hair thinning, itchy.

• Clarence’s Solution:

  • Scalp Detox: Peppermint and tea tree essential oils, Antiseptic Shampoos.

  • Moisture: Scalp oil (rosemary mint).

  • Hydration: Electrolytes (pinch of salt + sugar in water).

My Tip: Sleep with a silk pillowcase and use a gentle scalp massage brush in the shower.

My Fave Products: Scalp Massager, Typology Anti-dandruff treatment shampoo, Fenty Hair damaged hair mask, Scalp oil

Body Texture: Tightening + Smoothing

• Problem: Loose skin, cellulite, spider veins.

• Clarence’s Solution:

  • Dry Brushing: Before the shower (stimulates circulation).

  • Oil Cleansing: In the shower, using a hydrating oil cleanser.

  • Body Balm: Immediately after, on slightly damp skin.

  • Maderotherapy (Wood Therapy): Massage with thick moisturizer.

My Tip: Keep it simple. I used to do this every day, but now it’s just 2–3 times a week, and I see a difference.

My Fave Products: La Rosee Body Oil Wash, Bi-Oil, Maderotherapy Mushroom

Energy: Reclaiming My Vitality

• Problem: Low energy, inflammation, hormone swings.

• Clarence’s Solution:

  • Collagen Powder: 1 scoop in my coffee every morning.

  • Omega-3: Nordic Naturals Postnatal DHA.

  • Magnesium: Thorne Magnesium Bisglycinate (for sleep + muscle recovery).

  • Yoga + Stretching: Even 10 minutes makes a difference.

My Tip: Carrot, ginger, lemon celery juice in the morning. It’s like an energy shot for your cells. And do sports, I recommend Pilates, Lagree, Barry’s Bootcamp (HIT work outs).

Nervous System: Calming My Heart

I didn’t know this until Clarence explained it —

but postpartum isn’t just physical.

It’s also neurological.

Your heart is fragile.

Your nervous system is more sensitive.

Your hormones drop off a cliff.

Your cortisol spikes.

Your estrogen — the “glow” hormone — disappears.

And your body isn’t just “a few pounds heavier.”

It’s recovering from trauma it doesn’t even have words for.

• Solution:

  • Resting: I never had sleep problems till postpartum. (Now I am using a natural melatonin spray before bed and it really helps me slow down and want to rest).

  • Morning Meditation: Even if it’s only 5 minutes it’s the best way to start the day.

  • Breathwork: 3-minute practice — Breathe in for 10 seconds, hold for 8, exhale for 10. Repeat.

  • EFT Tapping: Calms anxiety in seconds.

  • Self-Awareness: Catching the anxious thoughts before they spiral.

My Tip: When I start feeling overwhelmed, I close my eyes, place my hand on my heart, and just breathe. It’s a reset button.

My Fave Gurus: Chani, Joe Dispenza, Abraham Hicks

My Daily & Weekly Rituals (Realistic + Doable)

As a mom, or any woman trying to build a sustainable life, you need rituals to get it all done. Here are some habits that work for me during the never ever ending chaos of motherhood.

DAILY

Morning:

• Waking up before baby.

• 10 minute meditation.

• Eat breakfast.

• Collagen in my coffee & Omega-3.

• Skincare routine.

Midday:

• Electrolyte water (pinch of salt + sugar) or Lemon water with chia seeds.

• Light stretching or a short walk (sunlight, fresh air).

Evening:

• Going to bed early.

• Overnight hydrating face mask (I love biodance).

• Magnesium before bed.

• Body brushing, oil cleanse in the shower, body oil moisturizing.

Weekly

• Intentional breathing in stressful moments — slowing down my heart rate.

• Weekly hair wash & blowout (DIY).

• Lash reset (I do my lashes at home every week, they make me feel sexy even with spit up on my shirt, here’s how).

• Lymphatic drainage self-face massage & maderotherapy.

The products aren’t enough. It all starts with what goes in your mouth

After pregnancy you are not only inflamed, but there is a whole lot of junk inside of you that isn’t yours. From hormones to all kinds of liquids.

In addition, you just had 9 months of (most likely) eating foods that you normally don’t eat.

A perfect example is how I was pescatarian my entire life. Never even ate a cheese burger. Till I was 2 months pregnant. I had a ferile need to eat red meat (which I learned comes from making all the blood for the baby).

I also have been gluten free for 5 years. I suffer from arthritus (and overall pain in my body) if I OD on gluten. But in pregnancy I needed baguettes… constantly?

So you need to detox, flush out your system.

And the best way to do that is eating anti-inflammatory.

Here are my go-to clean foods:

Blueberries, flax seeds, chia seeds, lemon, avocado, pomegranate seeds + juice (sugar free), salmon, broccoli, leafy greens (spinach), roasted tomatoes, dates, oats, chic peas, nuts, gluten free bread.

TLDR: What I Want Every Mom to Know

If you’re reading this and you’re struggling too — please know this:

You’re not broken. You’re healing.

Postpartum isn’t about bouncing back.

It’s about coming back to yourself.

You don’t have to do it alone.

You don’t have to do it fast.

I’m right here with you, figuring it out.

If you want more of this — real talk, raw honesty, and things that actually work —

you can follow me here on Substack, or book a one-on-one consultation with Clarence directly.

Let’s rebuild together. 💌

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Each week, I answer one question from this community- about motherhood, healing, career, heartbreak, boundaries, rebirth, or just being a hot mess with a good heart.

Head to my Instagram Story to ask your question (or just DM me!).I’ll choose 1 question to answer at tweeksd of next weeks newsletter.